So... about 4-5 months. That was how long I had my Fetlife account deactivated. And with my brief stint on Taimi, I only reactivated it because someone wanted a titty pic, and I wasn't going to pay money to send a damn photo in the DMs! Dating apps are a straight-up racket.
So I looked around, as you do, expecting not to see much.
Oh, yeah, there's another BIPOC kink/lifestyle group.
I guess I'll check that out.
And-- new to me!-- there's a new Queer kink/lifestyle group.
And a Black mutual friend is involved? I'm definitely checking that out!
I'll be blunt
A lot of times, and for a lot of spaces, I have to choose between my Blackness or my Queerness.
The last group I was in? Blackity Black AF but did nothing to honor, support, or protect my Queerness (or it was conditional: don't stray out of that (cis)HotBiBabe box!). My non-binary pronouns were ignored and I was constantly calling out transphobia. When it was no longer fun to be the Token Angry Queer (with the memes!), I left.
Most of the queer groups I was in? Skewed incredibly white, and all the pratfalls that implied. The organizers can unpack their knapsacks and have inclusive rules and declarations, but... if the overall community is still racist, casually and otherwise, it's a gamble for BIPOC folx. Some leave. Most lurk. Some stick it out until they run out of patience.
The Best Groups I've Ever Been In
Have been BIPOC and queer. I didn't have to compromise or sacrifice one aspect of myself. Unfortunately, they're few and far in-between.
In my locale one moved to Blacker, queerer spaces up north; another disappeared; another never got off the ground; one's restructuring; the last one seems to only make an appearance around Pride month.
And yes, I made a BIPOC (Black) and Queer space myself. But it's slow going, because I'm only one person and generally, it's hard to get people to come out.
So
Tomorrow, I'll check out a BIPOC munch. I will wear my pronoun pin, and gently lob my THEY/THEM spray bottle at anyone that still misgenders me. I will feel out the vibe. I will see how that goes, and if I can trust them with my full self.
Next month, I'll see how the Queer group shakes out. I'll still wear a pin, but I feel confident enough that I can leave the spray bottle at home. I'll note the amount of other BIPOC people in attendance.
...
Don't let me down, y'all.
I'm getting tired of putting myself out here. But like everyone, I just want somewhere to belong, too.